theraven1979
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BBQs and boring social gatheringsEver been to a BBQ and realised your surrounded by the most boring collection of people you've ever met? Did it tonight and fuckin hell I felt like throwing meself on the BBQ. Mix that in with the shit English weather and you have a recipe for disaster.
Why do we do these things to ourselves?
Jim
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ravenlunatic
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Been there, done that. I pretty much refuse to go to such things now, leaving my wife to go on her own if she really wants to, and I have little doubt, people thinking of me as a grumpy stick in the mud, but I just find them such shit that I'd rather stay at home and stare at the floor.
Standing under a gazebo thing on wet grass eating shitty old Tescos burgers in even shittier Tescos dry buns having a stilted conversation about how awful the weather is and how expensive petrol has become with some cnut you've never met before whilst nursing a single bottle of warm lager because you can't have another one as you have to drive home, which hopefully will be very soon. Load of old bollocks.
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theraven1979
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EXACTLY!! This is precisely what I went through tonight. Staring at the fuckin BBQ whilst trying to create small talk. I cracked a joke about something and a couple of people laughed out loud whilst a few other (really boring) people just stood there and went "I think we're missing something" - yeah a feckin personality!
like you say sometimes you're better off staying at home on your own and talking to the fish or something!
Jim
| ravenlunatic wrote: | Been there, done that. I pretty much refuse to go to such things now, leaving my wife to go on her own if she really wants to, and I have little doubt, people thinking of me as a grumpy stick in the mud, but I just find them such shit that I'd rather stay at home and stare at the floor.
Standing under a gazebo thing on wet grass eating shitty old Tescos burgers in even shittier Tescos dry buns having a stilted conversation about how awful the weather is and how expensive petrol has become with some cnut you've never met before whilst nursing a single bottle of warm lager because you can't have another one as you have to drive home, which hopefully will be very soon. Load of old bollocks. |
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Organ Grinder
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When I was younger I derived an enormous amount of pleasure from attending such functions in a state of total inebriation but sadly, as maturity has attempted to encrouch ever closer upon my personality, find this course of action no longer a viable option to combat the stresses of such dreadful and thankfully rare social events. Everyone gets a migraine sometime you know... 
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adam_neil
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Re: BBQs and boring social gatherings | theraven1979 wrote: | Ever been to a BBQ and realised your surrounded by the most boring collection of people you've ever met? Did it tonight and fuckin hell I felt like throwing meself on the BBQ.
Jim |
Jim mate - I've had an awful day so far but that quip briefly cast a ray of sunshine into my mindset and lifted my mood. 
Adam
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Organ Grinder
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Licky licky 
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theraven1979
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I'll give someone 20,000 points if you be Grinders friend for a day. Just pay him a complement or agree with him on something - please
Give generously to the help Grinder appeal
Jim
| Organ Grinder wrote: | | Licky licky |
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Toiler On The Sea
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There are many other social occassions I attend that I can derive great pleasure in taking the piss out of people, by generally agreeing with whatever viewpoint they have on any subject, including taking both sides in an arguement.
The last one is especially good, as both parties are usually too steamed up to notice, and you always end up on the winning side  .
When meeting people for the first time and they ask me what I do for a living, I'm an Instrument Technician?
I usually go for one of two:
1. I tune pianos and Gutars on the rigs. or
2. I ask them if they've ever seen Star Trek and when I they say yes, I tell them that I fix the control panels on the Bridge.
Anyway..... it passes the night 
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Claireinblack
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| Toiler On The Sea wrote: | There are many other social occassions I attend that I can derive great pleasure in taking the piss out of people, by generally agreeing with whatever viewpoint they have on any subject, including taking both sides in an arguement.
The last one is especially good, as both parties are usually too steamed up to notice, and you always end up on the winning side .
When meeting people for the first time and they ask me what I do for a living, I'm an Instrument Technician?
I usually go for one of two:
1. I tune pianos and Gutars on the rigs. or
2. I ask them if they've ever seen Star Trek and when I they say yes, I tell them that I fix the control panels on the Bridge.
Anyway..... it passes the night |
Nice one Toiler !!!!!!
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wadey1
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i like family bbqs cos i have great parents, brothers andf sisters and neices and nephews so i enjoy their company. gotta learn to enjoy things
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ravenlunatic
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I also enjoy the company of my family. What I think we are talking about here is being dragged along to "so and so from the gym (who I've never met) is having a barbecue in her featurless suburban garden where it will persistantly drizzle for the entire duration and I said we'd go" or "My cousin susan's daughter (who I've never met) is getting married and we're invited to the evening reception at a depressing village hall festooned with slowly deflating baloons and embellished with a folding table of chicken drumsticks and tuna volauvents and I said we'd love to go and stand awkwardly near some people we can't remember the names of for 3 hours while half a dozen pissed up aunties make complete cunts of themselves on the dancefloor while Dave Doubledecks lives out his fantasies of being a world class DJ"
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The Strangler
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| theraven1979 wrote: | I'll give someone 20,000 points if you be Grinders friend for a day. Just pay him a complement or agree with him on something - please
Give generously to the help Grinder appeal
Jim
| Organ Grinder wrote: | | Licky licky |
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The points thing ain't working is it ?
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theraven1979
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Indeed I'm referring to the kinda forced gatherings. Certainly not the family or close friends ones (which are fine of course)
Jim
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adam_neil
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| ravenlunatic wrote: | | I also enjoy the company of my family. What I think we are talking about here is being dragged along to "so and so from the gym (who I've never met) is having a barbecue in her featurless suburban garden where it will persistantly drizzle for the entire duration and I said we'd go" or "My cousin susan's daughter (who I've never met) is getting married and we're invited to the evening reception at a depressing village hall festooned with slowly deflating baloons and embellished with a folding table of chicken drumsticks and tuna volauvents and I said we'd love to go and stand awkwardly near some people we can't remember the names of for 3 hours while half a dozen pissed up aunties make complete cunts of themselves on the dancefloor while Dave Doubledecks lives out his fantasies of being a world class DJ" |
Love this thread.
Adam
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pigeon
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It depends on what bbq it is. If it is my stepbrother in his mid 40s, whos a professional musican then all his cool musician friends will be there & they will tell you thier stories about there near rock n roll stardom & thev'e played with the likes of the uk subs there really cool functions.
But by far the worst are the cousins ones. There not even functions really functions they just sit there reading their torahs with a bbq & shove their views in your face & no matter how much you tell them your not intrestead they still try to convert you cos i'm releated to the "Cohen" tribe then they tell you why you should live like them... again. But i now have a great MP3 player which i've put the enitire Stranglers 16 albums on so there lips are moving but pigeon is in bliss with "Instead of this" on the headphones.
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Alias
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Great stuff, couldn't agree more with the common consensus.
I can still remember when BBQ's were solely an Aussie thing, and reckon it's still best left to them - don't think it travels well to our green and rain drenched lands. I get dragged along to an annual one every year and while the last one was bearable cos I got to twang half-cut on a bass in an upstairs bedroom for most of it, on the whole they've been pretty excruciating events, perfectly summed up on the most part by Jimbo and Mr.Lunatic above.
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Old Angus
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| pigeon wrote: | | But by far the worst are the cousins ones. There not even functions really functions they just sit there reading their torahs with a bbq & shove their views in your face & no matter how much you tell them your not intrestead they still try to convert you cos i'm releated to the "Cohen" tribe then they tell you why you should live like them... again. But i now have a great MP3 player which i've put the enitire Stranglers 16 albums on so there lips are moving but pigeon is in bliss with "Instead of this" on the headphones. |
Pigeon mate, you should try to convert them to your "religion." Strap them down and stick your MP3 player over their ears. Force them to listen to all 16 albums. 
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gizzard
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We're supposed to be having a BBQ this Friday for some friends. And the weather forecast is.......
Rain.
Well there's a fcuking suprise! 
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Organ Grinder
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I recall as a youngster my father moving the BBQ into the shed when it started to rain and almost burning himself and the shed to smithereens when he applied petrol "to get things going again".
Never much hope for me really.
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Eddy Burnel deux
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went to a re-union of uni mates at the weekend ...now if you really want a proper party in your garden then build a mini-pub in it....the chap who's house we were at had exactly that...a self-made pub at the end of the garden complete with pool table, dart board, big sound system, massive screen and games consoles......
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Organ Grinder
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That is one of my projects in the full courseness of time Eddy. And I will smoke in it just like the 'old days', play all my fave toons and dance on the tables.... even if it is just by myself.
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Eddy Burnel deux
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nice one grinder....i'm sure a few of us cnuts would gladly come and help out....
give it a few years and you might be able to get Hugh to play on your "opening night"
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Organ Grinder
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| Eddy Burnel deux wrote: | nice one grinder....i'm sure a few of us cnuts would gladly come and help out....
give it a few years and you might be able to get Hugh to play on your "opening night" |
I ain't building a superstar's dressing room too!!
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The Sewer The Sewer
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I've had about 10 BBQ's in the last 2 weeks and they have all been fucking excellent - Mind you with a view of the Sea, and temps at around 30C - You can't complain.
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Organ Grinder
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BBQ's can be great fun with the right crowd but pop a few unlikely ordinary types around a garden sizzle and the evening is about as much fun as watching a wooden chair tester with piles.
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Cola Can
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Went to a 50th (Golden) wedding anniversary on Saturday. The older you get the less likely you are to meet people twice your age...but I did here. Nice food though. Left early as the mother in law fell over and smashed her head open - lots of blood, nice paramedic chap, good excuse to leave early.
10 minutes after we left another OAP did the same thing. What is it with old age and steps???
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C r a s s !
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| Cola Can wrote: | Went to a 50th (Golden) wedding anniversary on Saturday. The older you get the less likely you are to meet people twice your age...but I did here. Nice food though. Left early as the mother in law fell over and smashed her head open - lots of blood, nice paramedic chap, good excuse to leave early.
10 minutes after we left another OAP did the same thing. What is it with old age and steps??? |
Spooky... same thing happened my parents own 60th: I'd just re-enacted the same poses of the surviving rellies from their wedding picture - when mum went inside and tripped on the patio sill at the hotel and hit her head on the floor - then spent eons at A+E. Luckily she was fine.
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